toileting principles.

Close the door

We know from this

The seat is occupied

Not by public viewing.
Pee in the toilet 

Not near, on or around.

In.

The toilet is not leaking

You peed on the floor.

And finally

The walls are for 

Keeping the house standing

Not for spraying.
Reasonable, responsible use

Of the toilet paper is recommended.

You are not a hamster 

It is unnecessary to shred

The paper and spread

On the floor.

If you waste the paper or

Experimentally dunk 

Under water

You will have to go to 

Costco to buy more.

Remember, Costco 

Makes you cry.
I don’t care what your

Friends or David Suzuki say

Flush the toilet.

They neither share facilities

Between seven people or

Live over the glacial remains

Of times past.
Another word on wiping,

The shower curtain is 

OFF LIMITS

In all circumstances.
Wash your hands

After you flush.

With soap AND water.

Not just soap or just water

They are compliments and

Work best in conjunction.

Why? you ask

To this I say

It depends on how much

You like to throw up.
A word on vomiting.

Please, lid and seat up

While bowing before

The graceful porcelain swan.
These rules have always and

Will be always in effect.

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