My conversation skills have decreased.

Over the years I have vowed in early January that I would stop talking so much. For someone who craves a little bit of peace and quiet I sure know how to fill an empty space with silly words.

Over these winter holidays I have had visits with friends I haven’t seen in months, even years. Suddenly I have nothing to say. It’s a funny situation. The fall seemed to roll by full of events but I was a bystander. My main role here is to facilitate and contemplate. Fixing problems, filling gaps and standing by to help.

As I am planning winter lessons and activities for all the folks I am finally seeing empty spaces I can fill in with activities for me. I even have a madcap idea to take the children that can swim out of arms reach for a trip to the indoor pool. There were years I doubted I would see the day.

It is a  struggle to keep the balance and fairness of time in a family with no built in breaks or babysitters. Frequently I am asked just how do you do it. And I wonder just how everyone else does it. How do you maintain equanimity in a large family? I’m not sure it can be done. There are fair days and there are dreadfully unequal weeks. I just have to hope it all washes even in the end.



i’ve been thinking about the silver jews lately.

One of these days these days will end
Thru the kitchen window the light will bend
You’ll be carving a pumpkin with a knife
when someone at the table says
“that’s not what I call a life!”

pretty eyes, the silver jews.




2 thoughts on “torpor.

  1. I often feel similar and I particularly felt it seeing an old friend fairly recently. I had a cold wind of realisation that I was boring her. I haven’t really processed it yet, but it’s been on my mind. Once upon a time I felt bright – sparkling – chatty. Not so any more and I’m not quite sure what happened.

    I spoke to my partner. We are making some big(ish) changes here. Maybe they will make a difference. I hope so.

    I hope the New Year brings light into any dusty corners and you have the time to blow those cobwebs away. X

    1. ah, yes. it’s pretty dreadful to see the dead look in someone’s eyes. most of my friends are past the baby phase while i am still coming out of it. and a happy happy new year to you as well. may our year be filled with lots of fun activities for us! thanks!!

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