out of sync.

Well, of course I am. Today 44 days postpartum with my little.  well, well, well. what did you think it was going to be like?

It is now two years since we ditched an actual television.  i was the only one in the house that watched it, a noisy crutch of mine   It was keeping me from sleeping/knitting/writing/connecting. Ho hum. I would in fact be too tired to get up and actually watch it these nights.

The world has kept spinning while I, smitten with my little Red, have stood still. A little bit of this, a little bit of that.  It should be easy to jump back in. Then the doubts creep up. Where I was overly confident when pregnant, I am a hedger post partum. How can I do this? How truthful is this or that offer? I find the perspective shift fascinating. After living through it five times I now sit on my own shoulder, remembering that this too shall pass. Newborn baby quirks are reliable. This is what they do. Is this what I do?  yes

My conversation now is turned to which is the best scarf to wear when babywearing. ‘Fascinating’, reports Husband.  doing my best to be sparkling.

I feel out of step. Or rather, two steps behind. Double booking appointments, forgetting important events. As winter wanes, my expected expansive attitude remains frozen in its shell. Soon the easier warm days will be upon us. Days outside, friends running in and by, the gardening, staying up past darkness and getting a chance to chat with the husband. Soon enough.

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Directions for a baby bath.

1. a piping hot room, wrist temperature water in a sink lined with two towels

2. a full, well-rested  baby belly

3.  dollop of jojoba oil and flannel wipe

4. warm hands that work quickly

5. when little eyes say, ‘that’s enough’, wrap in warmed flannel blanket, slip back in to fresh woolies

6. nurse baby while drinking tea reclined in bed, reading

7. restorative nap for everyone

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