this was you, this was me.

Another day, another pair of yoga pants.  ah, yes  now i remember

I was reaching back, trying to remember how my other babies were in this early infancy we are immersed in right now. Only the bits and pieces come back to me.   the feel of their skin   that smell, yes that one everyone swoons over  how their head looks right above their ears, the nursing bird’s eye view  impossible to remember how it all really goes.  the pins and needle feeling of thirst  eating all of my meals cold because just there was one last diaper change before dinner  Only by increments taking care of myself. Natures way, this forgetting.

Constantly I take pictures of this baby boy from my angle. What it is I am really seeing these days.  his small arm draped across my chest  his mouth open in a deep sleep   unfurling like a fern a bit more each day

Another of my children catches me looking at myself in the mirror. I have never had a home with so many mirrors before.  mixed feelings  He asked what I looked like after he was born. I had no photos to show him and I have no way of remembering. There are few photos of me these past 11 years. Now I find myself fascinated by my own physical changes.  grey strands  crinkles around my eyes that never quite go away  I finally feel ready to really look at myself.  all those imperfections don’t feel so catastrophic I have begun to take pictures of myself at all times of day.  this is what it was like  this was your mama then


*inspired by my friend.


4 thoughts on “this was you, this was me.

  1. It is a very beautiful post, both the photos and your words. And good for you for recognizing the value of the snapshots. So often we get bogged down by how we look today and avoid the lens but the kids just want to remember their mama in all her glory. Inspiring, thanks:)

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